Busy, but good.

Don’t you f*cking hate when you ask someone how they are or how they’ve been and they answer “busy, but good.” I’m notorious for this bullsh*t answer. It’s like a reflex, and every single time the words spew out of my mouth my inner dialogue sounds like this: BUSY… [don’t do it], BUT… [why are you doing it?]…GOOD. [I can’t believe you just did it.]

But real talk, what does “busy, but good” even mean? What are we all so busy doing all of the time? And are we actually good? Or is it just the expectation that we are all good all of the time?

If you saw me the past couple of weeks and asked me how I was/how I’ve been and I answered “busy, but good,” this is what I really wanted to say.

• I’m really frustrated I have yet to notice any difference in my body or my mind since starting this journey
• I’m really exhausted all of the time and found out I may have sleep apnea as a result of the weight I’ve packed on
• I’m feeling so guilty that I haven’t posted anything for two weeks and just want to give up
• I just ate McDonald’s and it tasted really f*cking good #sorrynotsorry

Listen, I get it. I’m not going to verbally dump my life’s problems onto anyone who asks how I am. Nor do I want to receive this in return. Why you ask?

A. That would make me annoying and psychotic
B. That would make you annoying and psychotic

But what if we all tried to share a little bit more? What if we pushed aside the societal norm that’s ingrained in us to exchange meaningless niceties and instead we talked about real life. The more I’ve put myself out there and been honest about my struggles, the more my regular “busy, but good” people have come out of the woodwork with their own trials, their own successes. Their own real replies to a simple question. We honestly gain so little by filling valuable moments in our lives with mindless conversations. And with all the crappy things going on in the world that reminds us of how little time we actually have, I refuse to spend more of my life full of senseless conversations.

So where have I been for two weeks? I haven’t been very busy, in fact, I’ve been the opposite. Sure I’m busy with everyday things like my kids, my full-time job, this whole health thing blah blah blah. But not so busy that I can only answer what I assume is a question with earnest intentions with 3 stupid words. Not so busy that I couldn’t workout more or eat better.

So no, I’m not good, I really haven’t been good for a long time. Hence this whole journey. This doesn’t mean I don’t have good moments, hours, even days. But smiling and saying I’m good is what has gotten me here, to begin with. And being so “busy” is what’s allowed me to make excuses as to why I have no time to care for myself.

Truth is, I don’t want to be “busy, but good.” I want to be available to experience life beyond the necessary to-dos of everyday life. I want to share my thoughts and fears and hopes with real people in real life.

Please just tell me to f*ck right off the next time I answer you with this mechanical reply. I promise to only be mildly offended and hopefully give you a more honest answer.

❤