You know that annoying image you get while waiting for something to load and it’s perpetually stuck somewhere between 75 and 100 percent completion…for like…ever? So close, but not quite. That’s basically a snapshot of my life. I’m really good at starting things, investing a considerable amount of time and money into them and then following through just enough to make myself feel like it wasn’t a total bust, but not enough to have actually accomplished anything.
With the start of a New Year I can’t help but wonder what projects will end up on my never-land list of near-completion. Perhaps I will see that loading bar reach it’s final destination. Probably f*cking not.
Reflecting back on the last 365 days I compiled a list of the more costly projects/goals I started or set out to accomplish in 2017 that are “still loading.”
- Calligraphy – I’ve always admired people who could produce beautiful calligraphy. I am crafty, I could become a calligrapher! Naturally, I went out and purchased all the calligraphy pens necessary to become a professional calligrapher and spent approximately 2 hours total honing in on this craft. I cannot “calligraph” (or whatever you call it). It requires patience and a “light” pen stroke, neither of which I possess.
- Mindfulness – Who doesn’t want to be more mindful? It’s all the rage. In 2017 I was going to be the most mindful mother fu*ker around. I downloaded the Headspace app, paid for a full year’s subscription (because when I commit, I commit), bought some books, scheduled time each day to practice mindfulness in my work calendar and off I went. I *think* I did a total of 1 hour over the course of the year and cancelled those recurring calendar reminders around March. Shit. This one I’m determined to try again.
- Essential Oils – Toxins are real. And their effect on our health and our environment are real. I think the more people I know diagnosed with that ugly C word, the more this terrifies me. It can be overwhelming to eliminate these toxins so I thought I would start “small.” I bought several essential oil kits ($$$), diffusers and organized them all into this plastic bin which is neatly stored out of sight (and out of mind) in my bathroom closet. I basically lug them out when we’re sick or when we cook something where the smell lingers in our kitchen too long. I’d love to integrate them more into my cleaning (I do this 25% of the time currently) and more into our daily routine.
- Track my steps – Yup. In January I bought an Apple Watch (thanks work!). I was going to be one of those neurotic people (sorry, no offence) who track their steps every day. Every single damn day. I was going to compete with friends and family through the Fitbit app. Dang, I was going to walk like my life depended on it. Well, I dug my Apple Watch out of my drawer this week. It was so out of sync it thought it was February 2019 and on a different continent according to the time difference it displayed. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a different continent when I come up with this shit.
- Ditch my minivan – I talked about this in my very first blog post. How I was all “Marie Kondo” inspired to rid myself of things that brought me no joy. So I YOLO traded in my fully loaded minivan for an
SUVCUV that was way too small for my family’s needs and returned to the same dealership 6 months later with my tail between my legs. Can’t escape that #minivanlife. We are LOVING our new Sedona by the way. Even if it was my most expensive mistake ever. Lose weightGet healthy – It wouldn’t be an accurate list without the obvious. And certainly not one that goes by year after year without costing me a lot of money. And though I didn’t lose the weight I had planned on this year, I did gain several things from the attempt. I gained an incredible personal trainer who I know is going to see me to my finish line, no matter how many times I cancel our sessions or come up with ridiculous excuses; I gained a love for yoga with a health and wellness coach who has opened my eyes and my heart to a new kind of light; I gained new friends who are as dedicated as I am to live a healthier life; and lastly I gained strength. A strength I never new I had before. There’s something super badass about lifting weights, addicting almost. And I know the more stick with it the more strong I’m going to become.
None of the above lacked good intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, or so they say. They were all a step towards me better caring for myself. But however good my intent, I was not intentional about how I went about them. That word, intentional. That’s my New Years
To be honest I gave up on New Years “resolutions” about 10 years ago. Mostly because the only thing that changed year after year about my resolution was the number of pounds I was going to lose (spoiler alert, the number was always higher than the year prior).
But there’s something annoyingly inspiring about a new year. It’s like being given a clean slate. As if any of the baggage acquired in the passing year suddenly no longer exists. I suppose that’s why resolutions exist to begin with and why we buy into them (literally) year after year.
So what will 2018 be for me? The year I finally
lose weight get healthy? The year I finish everything I start? I may very well be back here next year listing off a similar (and hopefully less costly) list of things on my never-land list. But I hope to have been a hell of a lot more intentional in them.
- done on purpose; deliberate.
So here’s my short list:
- Be intentional in everything I do.
- Be present, patient and positive.
- Be forgiving of myself and of others.
- Be a f*cking badass every damn day.